If we want to create a more caring society, says Ruby Wax, we first of all need to be kinder to ourselves – and not confuse that with selfishness
What is compassion? It is the feeling you get when you see someone suffering and are moved to help them. Somehow though, the idea of self-compassion has become tarnished as selfishness. However, to show yourself compassion is far from selfish because, if you can, you won’t drain other people by expecting them to make you feel good or, when you’re beating yourself up, blame them for your bad feelings. Learning to throw yourself a bone of self-compassion increases your resilience and stability. When you have that security blanket of self-compassion, you feel as if you can take more risks.
A selfish reason to exercise compassion is that it makes you feel good. When you respond to your own or someone else’s distress, you automatically go into caring mode, which promotes the release of opiates and oxytocin, the bonding hormone, in your brain. Great friendships and relationships are the result of the exchange of these hormones, which create trust, rapport and closeness. Your heart rate goes down, as does your blood pressure and cortisol, leaving you much healthier.
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