We have only slept together twice in the past year. How can I love and be in a relationship with someone I no longer desire?
I’m 31 years old and I’ve been with my girlfriend for nearly three years now, but we’ve struggled with sex over the past 12-18 months. We’re only slept together twice in the past year, and even that was unfulfilling. I’m not sure I even have any desire to have sex with her any more, despite desperately wishing I did. How can I love and be in a relationship with someone I don’t want to sleep with?
You have asked a question to which there is no satisfactory answer – unless you decide to prioritise all other aspects of your relationship over sexuality. Trying so hard to reconcile the irreconcilable is making you very sad - and no wonder; such a gulf between thoughts and feelings commonly pitches a person into depression. This problem is not going to get better by itself, so it must be addressed urgently and directly. You need to have a very focused conversation with your girlfriend, in which you must share your true feelings without apportioning blame. Help her to see how unhappy this situation is making you, and ask her to describe her own feelings, while listening empathically.
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