Your reluctance to have a conversation with her could mask a deeper desire to always be in control, says Annalisa Barbieri
I have a fear of confrontation. Recently, this destroyed my relationship with my best friend, after I slept with her ex. I did not tell her for several months, and developed my own twisted logic that I was somehow protecting her from the painful truth. When I did tell her, she made me realise my refusal to tell the truth had hurt her more than the action itself.
It’s been a year, and I haven’t spoken to her or her ex (who was also my friend). My way of dealing with the situation was to suppress thinking about it for months and continue with my life. However, partly owing to my relationship with my new partner (who is highly emotionally intelligent), I have started to reflect on the situation. I know I have to recognise my responsibility to myself and others, and become an active, not passive, force in my relationships. I hate the idea of ruining that with my new partner, which is one of the best relationships I have had.
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