How can I shift some of the mental load of family life on to my husband?

Take responsibility for what you consider most important and let him do the rest in his own way, says Annalisa Barbieri

My husband and I have three young children. He works full time and I work part time in a demanding, stressful job. He is a hands-on dad, sharing practical childcare duties when not at work. The problem is that I take the lion’s share of the mental load when it comes to family life: all the planning, organising and ultimate responsibility. If something slips through my net, he won’t catch it.

I have tried to redress this. We tried to divide tasks evenly, into practical ones and “thinking ones”, such as remembering when the kids are due a dentist appointment. My husband keeps up with his tasks to a variable extent, but it’s 50/50 whether he’ll notice that something is needed/due.

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