The instructions – literally – make no sense whatsoever. And it made my foot dirtier, more fetid and more slimy than it has ever been
I’m not even convinced the maker thinks anyone will buy this product, it is so bizarrely packaged. Printed right on the front of this box of foot patches is a long, unintentionally hilarious, description of the target market. “Middle and aged people. Manual worker. Irregular people. Sedentary and long standing. Office worker people. Stay up late people.” As a sedentary, irregular, stay up late middle person, I definitely qualify. But for what? There isn’t any information on what the patches are meant to do. Fortunately, the product’s Amazon page (£6.89 for 20) is more forthcoming. These are self-adhesive vinegar patches whose natural ingredients have a cleansing function, drawing out toxins overnight. It promises an array of improvements to your metabolism, immune system, insomnia, fatigue, migraines, back pains, swellings and the ability to do sums in your head. OK, not that last one, but probably only because they ran out of space.
I return to the box, enjoying its mystery. “Attach the side which printed with letters to adhesive paster. (The letters which on the foot patch should NEVER touch your skin.) Attach the foot patch with the paster on to your vola.” A mountain of gibberish, with many unclimbable facets. What is a vola? I can’t see any letters on the patches. I’m guessing this has all been wrung through an online translation engine until it resembles auto-poetry. The final step reads: “Next morning, tear down the bag and clear your.” That’s it. I find it oddly inspiring.
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