Your son needs to be prepared for your departures, says Annalisa Barbieri – and for your returns
My son is two years old. He has recently started bullying (hitting and pushing) children his age. This was shortly after I moved abroad to work while he stayed with my wife, his mother. He attends a nursery and other family gatherings, so is not isolated socially in interacting with other people. I keep almost daily video contact with him for a few minutes (as a child, he can’t stand in front of a device for long). He knows me, calls me and interacts with me. I have 10 days’ leave every six to eight weeks which I plan to use to stay with my family, including my son. Do you have any advice for me and my wife on how to treat our son, and make him feel and act better?
I’m really pleased you have made the connection between how your son feels and how he acts – many parents don’t. I consulted Katy Dearnley, a consultant child psychotherapist who specialises in children under five. Each of us wondered about the chronology: did your departure and your son’s starting nursery coincide? “If so,” Dearnley said, “this would be a double separation for your son to deal with.” On its own, your leaving is a big event for him to cope with.
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