Ayurvedic massage with sound therapy: ‘Is this how it feels to be a posh Pot Noodle?’

It is unlike anything I have ever experienced; like being massaged from the inside

Sound massage? Sounds like woo-woo to me. I have been to a gong bath before, lying at the back of a sweaty studio for an hour, confused in the dark while a yogi fingered a large gong. It was a pleasant soundscape, but nothing more. I’d only gone because the event description promised participants would be wrapped in a carpet at the end, which sounded amazing; when it came to it, we were told to cover our legs with a blanket in shavasana (AKA corpse pose) if we were chilly. I had pictured someone rolling me up like a cigarillo – not something a grown man can request with any dignity. I didn’t go back.

Only fair to give it another go, this time one-on-one. Michelle Cade, the founder of Mind Like Water (£90 for 90 minutes) leads various sound therapies, and today I’m experiencing it with a full-body ayurvedic massage. I clamber on to the table, ungainly, clammy, full of unrelated anxieties. Luckily, Cade is an innately soothing presence. She is also a composer of binaural beats, and describes brain entrainment to me; the theory by which brainwaves supposedly align with the frequency of a supplied beat. This allows you to shift your brainwaves to, say, a frequency associated with a meditative state. A nicer way of putting it than “getting mashed to a trippy jam”. I like jam. Thoughts like this wash through me and away.

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