Laser eye surgery. It’s gruesome – but you’ll see the zombies coming

A suction pad was attached to my eyeball and I went temporarily blind, but I’m free of my grubby specs and ready for the apocalypse

Let’s imagine for a moment that the world is about to end, by which I mean let’s read literally any news story from the past 18 months and follow it through to its natural conclusion. Got it? So, there’s been a nuclear catastrophe, or all the ice has melted, or Britain has haphazardly referendumed itself down to a scabby nub and society has to rebuild itself from scratch. Until last week, in the event of such catastrophe, I’d be screwed. Not because of my lack of transferable skills – whatever the state of the world, someone needs to write pithily sideways newspaper columns – but because I was quite heavily shortsighted. One tiny accident is all it’d take for me to lose my glasses, and that would be it. I wouldn’t see the apocalypse coming, and it’d be curtains.

This isn’t such a fanciful notion – Reddit CEO Steve Huffman recently confessed to having corrective eye surgery for precisely this reason – but, anyway, it’s moot now. I’ve had my eyes done as well, so I’m basically zombieproof.

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