I am too embarrassed to talk to my partner, but think we have both noticed that something has changed. What can I do?
I am 38 and in a long-term and happy relationship. While I have never orgasmed through penetration (only through foreplay), I have still enjoyed it. Recently, though, I have barely felt any sensation through penetration, something I believe my partner has felt, too. I say “believe” because I don’t want to ask him directly if I feel too “loose” or if he is not feeling any sensation (it is embarrassing enough just writing it). But I can tell by his reaction that sex is not the same as it was. Is this a common situation as women get older? Is there anything I can do differently? I have lost about 9kg (20lbs) lately, but I thought sex was meant to get better with weight loss. I have tried different positions and have been doing pelvic floor exercises for the past couple of weeks. I would hate to think that is it for me ever enjoying penetrative sex again.
This is something you need to discuss with your partner, so try to recognise that you cannot allow embarrassment to prevent you from seeking answers or finding a solution. Be brave enough to have a talk with him and to frame it as a subject you must both address for the sake of your sex life – and your relationship generally. Ask him to help you understand what changes he may have noticed and how it may have affected his sexual response, his pleasure and even his ability to become aroused and to ejaculate. How does he truly feel about your weight loss? Help him to feel safe enough to tell you. He may need time to get used to it.
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