I’m in my late 20s, but my parents still control my life | Dear Mariella

This pattern of behaviour – common when on the receiving end of bullying – has to stop, says Mariella Frostrup. You need to be independent for your survival and your happiness

The dilemma I’m in my late 20s and live and work abroad. My parents live in the UK and are very overprotective and controlling. Mum does everything financial for me – she has all my bank passwords; the statements go to her address and she controls my savings.

I am a teacher with a reputable international company, but my parents don’t like my job and regularly tell me I need to come home. They refuse to use my girlfriend’s name and repeatedly refer to her as “your friend”. Our relationship is generally one of obligation. It is impossible to talk to my dad because, if you disagree with him, he gets abusive and violent. Mum sees danger everywhere and is paranoid that something bad might happen.

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