You need to have an honest conversation, says Annalisa Barbieri, because if you feel pressured into doing something sexual, is it still consensual?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We enjoy a very active sex life. However, some of the things he is sexually attracted to are just abhorrent to me. He enjoys being dominated and treated as if he were a woman, with clothes and makeup, and wants me to act as if I were a man, including changing my vocal pitch and calling him derogatory names. I tell him it makes me highly uncomfortable, and he tries to respect that, but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, he’ll ask and I feel pressured to say yes, so as not to ruin the mood.
I don’t want to hurt his feelings but it seems the only way he listens is if I tell him my thoughts on it in a very assertive way. His argument is that if I did it more often, then I would start to like it because that’s how he got interested in the things I like. The difference is that he didn’t have any previous experience with my kinks, whereas I already had an established dislike for his. I love him with all my heart, and in every other aspect of our relationship I’m 100% satisfied, but we are having trouble resolving this.
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