We seem to be doing the same thing again and again and it has left me feeling bored. I’m making excuses to avoid sex even though I enjoy it
I love my boyfriend passionately. We had a great sex life until a few months ago, when I started to feel as if we were doing the same thing again and again. Now I have trouble initiating sex because of this feeling of numbness, which he told me he sometimes feels, too. I feel as if he doesn’t know how to push my buttons, and I don’t know how to guide him. I really enjoy our foreplay and intercourse, but the beginning is very difficult and doesn’t feel spontaneous at all. I find myself making excuses to avoid sex because I’m afraid it’s going to happen again. When we do have sex, I have to think intensely about arousing situations to overcome the numbness. It’s exhausting and depressing.
Maintaining one’s erotic spark is always a challenge. Sometimes the task is simply to correct the sexual malaise that tends to arise due to such factors as stress, worries about money or caring for young children. Sometimes low sexual drive – or even specific sexual problems – can be caused by relationship issues or medical conditions, or can be side effects of certain medications. But very often, sex simply becomes too repetitive. This can be changed if both partners are able and willing to talk frankly, to ask clearly for what they each want, and to make changes. In your case, it sounds as though you tend to be the initiator of sex, and if so you may have become burned out from taking this role. This is a common problem. Request a role-reversal, so that he starts to initiate, and be brave enough to tell him exactly what would best please you. Be encouraging, non-blaming and very specific, and praise him for his attempts. You will also need to relinquish the control you take as initiator, and learn to be a receiver of pleasure.
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