My husband hasn’t given me an orgasm for three years

Put ­intercourse aside for now, says Annalisa Barbieri, and think about sensuality without a goal

I have been married to my husband for seven years and we have been together for 10. In the beginning, the sex was amazing. But after he joined the military, his sex drive went down and he became depressed whenever we were separated for long periods. There was some infidelity between the two of us, which we managed to overcome through marriage counselling. We learned how to better communicate and support each other.

My husband has since left the military, and that has brought us closer together, but our sex life has been lacklustre for the past three years. We have tried talking about it, but my husband has not given me a proper orgasm in that time, and I don’t know how to change that. I’ve told him what I like in the bedroom, and he’s made some effort. But he hates giving me oral sex and it’s the main way I can have an orgasm.

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