I was the only person who didn’t have water. Oh, and also, I never got beyond week five in the eight-week Couch To 5K programme
Back in January when I slogged up the inclines in St James’s Park in London wondering how they could be so vicious and yet so invisible, the celebrity trainer Matt Roberts told me that you had to find your motivation in running. Not many people enjoy it for its own sake. “Is there a charity you really care about, something you could support for a sponsored 5K?” he asked. Hard to know how to answer this. It made me think of David Cameron (Roberts was his trainer, remember), a feckless, unpatriotic man, indolently spoiling everything for everyone, then taking a break to puff his way round civic spaces and congratulate himself on his life choices, self-love cloaked in self-righteousness. “Sponsored runs make me feel sick,” I said, but Roberts could see I felt sick anyway with the exertion and discreetly looked away.
I solved this – did I solve it? You decide – by doing a run for a charity I didn’t care about and not registering, just paying 20 quid on the day. It was the wrong choice, in many ways, because it was a 5K, 10K and 15K run all setting off from the same place, and I felt intimidated by the 10Kers and 15Kers, by everyone in matching T-shirts, by the apparatus of the “fun run” (loads of tape, like a crime scene), and the fact that I was the only person who didn’t have water. Oh, and also, I never got beyond week five in the eight-week Couch To 5K programme. I had an injury, then there was the snow, then there was more snow, and I ended up doing week five again and again.
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