What I’m really thinking: the pregnant grieving mother

I’m sad this pregnancy won’t be one of happy anticipation

Last time, I told everyone straight away. I was thrilled and saw no point in waiting for three months, by which point many people have guessed anyway. I knew that if I had an early miscarriage I would want to talk to friends, so it would be better if they knew I was pregnant.

But this time I don’t want to tell anyone. People smile and say things like, “You must be thrilled!” I can see some friends think my news means my life is back to normal, that this erases all the pain of the six months since my three-month-old son died of sudden infant death syndrome. But I’m not thrilled – I’m terrified, sad and grieving.

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